Am I Ready for Christmas

WONDERMENT, oil painting, 2013, Whistler Canada

(I mistakingly sent the wrong version of this earlier today. My apologies).

The following is an excerpt from my book, a bit revised. A good reminder for me as the Christmas season begins on this first day of Advent.

As I sit with my coffee in the morning light, I begin my internal conversation, my musings. Do I want Christmas to come? Honestly, at this stage of my life, I sometimes answer, “No, not really.” Christmas has changed so much for me that I can hardly find it anymore under the disguise of its worldly wrappings. I don’t recognize it. Oh, I know the name, but my love for it has diminished as I focus on the details that have to get done. The meaning seems to have been lost, much like a once well-loved teddy bear that has lost its stuffing. I liked it once but now have moved on to something new.

I still celebrate the “holidays,” but do I still know and celebrate Christmas? I look for it as I unpack decorations and lights. I think, Surely I will experience it as I buy presents for others, but then find myself eyeing gifts I want for myself.

I may even go to church an extra time or two around the holidays because isn’t that the right thing to do? Invariably, it will give me a warm fuzzy feeling, right? And maybe that’s why I don’t want it to come this year. It feels phony. I don’t want to go through the motions of Christmas without recognizing the meaning.

I wonder what the “Birthday Boy” would ask me for? Lights on my house, a well decorated tree, packages wrapped and given to others instead of to Him? Perhaps, but I think He would appreciate it if I were more contemplative as I approach the day. Yet there is much to accomplish and many items to check off lists.

I try to do all this for others, but maybe I’m missing the real joy, not the mustered-up excitement I generate around my grandchildren. Am I keeping them from seeing Christmas—the real Christmas—by my “mustering”?

I can’t remember a Christmas day when I awoke and wished Jesus “Happy Birthday” from deep within me. A Christmas where I have offered Him gifts, made a cake, or written a card or note of my love to Him. Have I ever just hung out with Him all day, attempting to make it the “best birthday ever,” like I did for my kids long ago?

“Oh Jesus, come to me this year fresh and new and not bound by the rules I set for myself at Christmas. Please show me how I can invite you back into my Christmas season as I celebrate with my family. I desire to be aware of you amid all the celebrations. Come to me as you came two thousand years ago to give Yourself as a gift. And just like You continue to pour out your love to me, help me to love others, especially on Your birthday.

How do you want me to get ready for Christmas? And what do you want for your birthday? Just let me know. I have Amazon Prime!”